Let get RAW

Not every day is sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. In fact…….if we are honest……most days are not. Most days, even on the good ones…….its meeting battles head on to survive. Take this morning. Every weekday morning, my daughter gets ready for school the same time I get ready for work…..my son has already caught the bus and gone so it’s just us gals. I come out and she is generally watching a little tv waiting on me. This morning she is not. I call out to her and I hear the sound of her moving on her mattress. Home girl was not ready…..at all……said she had been looking for some school clothes and forgot she had some in the dryer…..I said for an hour you looked and didn’t come ask me yet I hear you just getting out of bed after you had already been woke up??? So it was a mad dash of her getting ready and us out the door to drop her off where she catches the bus before it ran…….I know…..teenage years are about to wear me out haha. I am sure most of you can relate to such chaotic morning routines…..if you can’t…..well…..I’m jealous haha.

I say this to show reality, it’s not a world of rainbows and unicorns, life is chaotic and stressful and painful, but also it’s beautiful and full of love. For the most part, I stay positive and wear a smile and give encouragement where I can. Yesterday was not that day for me. Yesterday would have been 20 years since Mike and I said I do..for better or worse….until death did us part. Death did do us part and the year anniversary of that is quickly coming. So….after my kids went to bed, i made a fire outside, put on some music and I cried. I cried hard and ugly and even now writing this I feel the tears threatening to break loose. I felt selfish because I had gone out of town Saturday and spent the evening with a friend just hanging out while my kids stayed with their grandparents. I know it really wasn’t selfish……but last night satan really made me feel that it was because my parents do so much and take care of so much. A good friend pretty well put me in my place over that as she talked to me last night. Technically two great friends and now they are on the same team and I’m not sure what to think about that but the one told my tough get over it thats how it is haha…..he is so gentle how he puts things haha. I am telling you all about all this to show that we all walk in the valley…..we all have a bit of brokenness…..and thats ok. Just don’t stay in the valley. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up and help you on your journey through that valley. I am so grateful for those two friends as well as to my parents.

I have designed a tattoo that I plan to get. I’m not the type of person that just put things on her body without reason. Not saying it’s wrong, it’s just not me. I have two and both point to my faith in Christ, but this one….it represents me flourishing into a new creation, into the person i was always called to be, and showing that keeping my face towards the Son is how you grow and survive. 2Chronicle 20:15b has become my verse that will be incorporated in it because it has become my life line. It says “Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s.” How great is that promise…do not fear or be dismayed because the battle is not mine it is God’s! And for me……..as broken as I feel….I know God has been building me back and putting me back together and making me more into His image…..and thats what this represents for me. I’m not perfect……..and to be honest…..I’m far from ok…..but at the same time I am ok…..if that makes sense. I’m ok because I know God s fighting this battle for me……I am ok because I have the most amazing parents…..I am ok because God has placed a couple of unlikely people in my life that will listen but also lay it out straight to me.

I share all this to show the raw real truth of life. To let you know that this is a safe spot when you are in your valley. Things happen……HURT happens…..but remember you are not alone, not matter how lonely you feel….you are not alone. Love you all.❤️

-Sara